Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
farters have to be the big spoon...
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
