my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
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