you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
