youre lurking in front of me
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
