Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
