life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize