Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
