i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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