her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
