I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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