i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
