It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
