Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The struggles of a small town man whore
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
