I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
