i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
