you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
