This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
