I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
