I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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