turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
