im about as happy as oj after his trial
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
