The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
