Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
