I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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