i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
