She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
