he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
