We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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