And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
