Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
MIDGETS
????
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
