Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Randomize
