So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
