He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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