that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
