its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
