Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
