the condom got lost in my hair
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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