the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
