I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
