Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
