Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
