So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Boobs speak an international language.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
