you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
