Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
