with your own penis?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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