Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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