my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
