Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
