ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Dear god my vagina.
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