if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
