He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
