Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
