i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
