On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize