The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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