you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
