I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
