Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
They have beer where we have blood.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
