Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Randomize
