Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
