No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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