farters have to be the big spoon...
operation have a gay friend backfired
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
