Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
