The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
