Will you blow on my dice?
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
