I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
whose parrot is this?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
