There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
