did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
