we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
