the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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