clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
