He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
