theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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