he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
