If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
