guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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