I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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